Know What I Mean?

I used to think I was a grand gesture girl.

I dreamt of balloon rides and champagne at sunrise (turns out its freakin’ cold up there, BTW).

Trips to Paris wandering hand in hand along the Seine.

Breakfasts in gilded beds strewn with rose petals …

I know. Cheese-o-ra-ma, right?

Thing is, I sincerely thought my love life had to be littered with ‘grand’ gestures for me to be happy and fulfilled.

Till I met Randy, that is.

He’s not your typical grand gesture kinda guy. They just aren’t his style. Neither (as it turns out) are they mine. At least, not in the way I once thought …

See, about a month after we met, Randy’s wife of 19 years, Lynda, died suddenly and tragically of a brain aneurism (read the whole story here).

The grandest gesture he could offer - as a single-parenting widower with two teen daughters, a job, a mortgage and a reeling heart - was daring to love again.

And in that gesture was openness and courage. The willingness to face grief and fear, and ask some really, really challenging questions. The strength to defy social taboos, dig deep and find his own way. The audacity to risk, when it would have been much, much easier not to.

Not bad as grand gestures go, wouldn’t you say?

21 months later, when we married, he made another grand gesture when he entrusted me with the care and joint-upbringing of his much-loved, still grieving kids.

In that gesture was enormous faith and trust, and the willingness to co-parent with someone who’d never parented anyone or anything before – to give me the space, freedom and opportunity to demonstrate that his belief in my ability to love and guide his girls well was well-founded.

How’s that for a ‘grand’ gesture?

A couple of years after that, he took my breath away with his answer to the question, ‘What’s your most meaningful possession?’ …

“My wedding ring! Every time I look at or feel it on my hand it reminds me of the woman I love and the amazing life we share together, how we found each other, what it took to be together and that, against the odds, we said yes to each other and to love.”

*sniffle*

These are just a few of what I call our ‘better than roses’ moments, the kind filled with gifts no currency in the world can buy, but every heart understands.

The kind that can’t wither when the water hasn’t been changed…

… or be messed with if it rains, runs out of gas or gets rescheduled

… or get lost if you have an absentminded blonde moment

… or burn up if the house catches fire

… or get stolen if someone decides to make off with ‘it’.

The kind we really yearn for, but confuse (like cheese-o-ra-ma me) with bright paper and colourful bows, sparkly bubbles and big public flourishes, calendar holidays and hefty price tags.

Know what I mean?

This post was inspired by friends Lois Kelly of Bloghound and Rosey Dow at PainlessPennyPinching.com, as well as Patti Digh at 37days.com and The Box of Nothing post on TheStoryOfMyLife.com. It’s been a week of lovely – and very synchronistic – gifts of self. Thank you.